I'd rather be sailing...

So maybe I’m a little paranoid, but please don’t insult my intelligence.

Soooo this week

I’ve thought FAR too much, as I suppose we all do when we have nothing really to occupy ourselves.

Two people have been my saviours this week, one who I know very well and I can proudly call my best friend, and one who I’ve been working with for 4 and half months. Annoyingly, both seem to know me better than I know myself, but they are both older and seem to have experience in very similar situations.

I can safely say that since being home I’ve been extremely negative about life in general, and although its not in my nature to wallow in self pity as I believe there are many worse things happening in the world, I’ve not been at my happiest. 

Simply put,  I like to please everyone. I seem to have this constant urge to make everyone like me, to please people and give them exactly what they want from me and to make them proud. This pressure isn’t coming from anywhere but myself. I am the only member of my family that will have gone to university from September, and that in turn, makes my family proud of me. What I think my problem is, is that by moving home (which I dont regret, as I think its going to make me appreciate living away from Lowestoft even more) i feel like I’ve failed. Everyone seemed to be so happy for me when I got into drama school and kept telling me that I’ll make it. Unfortunately, I’ve chosen to enter into an industry which happens to be perhaps one of the harshest. I feel like by moving home that everyone thinks I’ve failed, and although I’m merely biding my time until I get out of here and earning myself some money so that I can support myself next  year, that I feel my life has ended. 

It hasnt. It’s only just starting.

So since speaking to these two friends, I’ve decided that from Monday I’ll create some (albeit rather late) New Years Resolutions. 

1. Be optimistic as much as possible. I have no room for negative thoughts.

2. Enjoy my time at home, because I’ll probably moan when I move that I wanna go back.

3. Use this extra free time to be creative, write more, read more and watch more films. Make myself Knowlegable.

4. Stop worrying that I’m not going anywhere, I am, just slowly. 

5. Look forward to September and remember it’ll come round sooner than I think. 

Yup, 2012 is gonna be the best year yet :)

I definitely

DO NOT deserve my best friends, I’m so lucky :) 

Fuck it, its only 7 months away.